If you have any large scale, visible tattoos, you’ve no doubt experienced the stares, comments, and physical accostings from strangers trying to get a better look at them. I often joke that many people must think my tattoos are in Braille because they feel the need to run their hands up and down my arms to “see” them better.
I’m accustomed to the stares, it comes with the territory, but when did it become okay for people to invade personal privacy and forget all manners? My fiancé and I went to dinner one evening at a fairly nice restaurant and had a waitress ask us questions for nearly 10 minutes before even taking our order. She even took it a step further by caressing Josh’s ears and telling him how much she loved the tattoos on his earlobes! I’ve had people pull at my clothes, twist my arms, and examine me like a science project, rather than politely asking to look at my artwork.
I suppose it’s ironic that heavily tattooed people are viewed as crude and uncivilized, but to me it seems to be the other way around. Don’t get me wrong.. this is not to rant about people that might just simply be curious, but more or less to establish some guidelines and remind everybody that we’re still a civilized culture and we all deserve respect and boundaries.
To start with..
Never… EVER.. grab someone or touch them to “see” their tattoos. Unless they give you specific instructions to.. HANDS OFF!
Appreciate the art, but leave the meaning alone. I have some tattoos that I got just simply because I wanted to and then there are others that signify a life-changing moment or a philosophy that I believe in. I honestly don’t want to stand in the middle of the street, pouring out the intimate details of a back story to why I got a tattoo, to a complete stranger. It’s like me asking about a scar on your body or having you tell me about the darkest time in your life.. It’s uncomfortable. Stop watching tattoo shows where every client has some traumatic story behind the tattoo they’re getting. Sometimes you just love art and want to showcase it on your skin!
If you see that someone is mid-conversation, mid-meal, in the bathroom, at a funeral, or in any other place and setting that’s inappropriate to strike up a random tattoo conversation, do not interrupt them! If you want to compliment their artwork or ask who the artist is, wait for a good moment, apologize for your interruption, and say what you need to say. If people are polite I usually engage them further and let them ask or say more, but when people run up and blurt out, “Sweet ink!! I want to get some sick tribal sleeves done! Where do you go? How much does he charge? I’ve got a buddy that will hook me up for half price..” that’s when I’m offended and silently willing you to disappear…into the depths of the ocean.
Which brings me to the next guideline.. KEEP YOUR CLOTHES ON! I’ve had guys tear off their shirts in bars, restaurants, and the gym to show me their “sweet tat” they got back in the day and tell me they have plans to add more. While having dinner at a restaurant with his family, Josh had a man drop his drawers to show him a tattoo he had on his…..! Just because you can see ours, does not mean we want to see yours. This isn’t Show and Tell. Unless I ask to see, keep your pants on!
NO.. I do NOT watch Best Ink, Ink Master, Tattoo Nightmares, LA Ink, or any other cable television show regarding tattoos. You can talk to me about Game of Thrones all day long, but talking about people or tattoos from shows I’m unaware of will not create a bond between us.
To sum it up, just have respect for others! We all want to exist with the same personal rights and privacy that everyone else does, so please try to remember that the next time you think grabbing, interrupting, or undressing in front of a heavily tattooed stranger is a good idea! ; )
Karen says
Not having tattoos, I have always wondered about this. I’ve been quiet as I didn’t know how to ask. Sorry some people are so rude!
Money Mike says
Politeness is more important that the question itself. I am more than willing to overlook a question that might be deemed “ignorant” if it is presented in a kind and polite manner. 🙂
Sasha says
I couldn’t agree more! I’ve met a lot of amazing people just from them politely asking to see my work and talk about it. It’s all in the approach!
Tanya says
YES!!! As a heavily tattooed person I second everything you just said. I’d also like to add that just because someone asks to see does not mean I need to show. I was grabbing a sandwich once when the clerk asked me to show the rest of the tattoos that were peaking out from under my sweater. I said no and she was shocked that I didn’t comply with her request. I could tell you that I had just come back from a funeral, I was tired from work, I was in a hurry or a million other excuses but the fact of the matter is that I don’t need a reason. I am under no obligation to do anything to satisfy someone else’s curiosity. My body, my art, my choice.
Sasha says
Well put Tanya!
Jonna says
Sasha, thank you for this blog. This is definately something us people with body art deal with. It’s like a pregnant lady and people touching the belly all the time, DON’T! It’s strange and invades on a person’s personal bubble. I Went to Vegas and dealt with this more than I do here, Vegas, where interesting sightings are common place I had strangers come up to me and touch and ask questions about my art. Oh, and one last thing that grinds my gears…people that call them “tats”. Don’t do this either.
xoradioxo says
Love this post! I only have a few tattoo’s, but a couple are quite bold. Your bit on “asking the meaning behind it” is my biggest peeve. As if they expect to hear a scaring tale as to why I got a massive retro toy robot down my leg. People need to chill when it comes to tats and let us enjoy our artwork. It’s not meant for them.
TOM TOM says
So, not all tattooed people watch Ink Masters…etc?
The thing I hate the most about those shows is most of them put a time limit on a tattoo, thinking it’s a competition, granted some artist work fast, but you can put a time limit on something that will be there for the rest of your life.
I joke about watching those shows, I honestly think they are crap television, but the only thing it does do is give better acceptance of tattoos in the world.
TOM TOM says
Great post though, I couldn’t have explained it better myself.
Ashley says
Amen. “Can I see your tattoos? What do they mean?” That is the most annoying question in the world. And if I DO answer “because I just liked it”, I always get the most dumbfounded look in the world.. I am not a skeptical because I have tattoos and I did not get them for other people to look at. Gah. People…
xo Ashley
thetiniestfirecracker.com
Money Mike says
This was an excellent and enjoyable read. This needs to be republished over and over again until people finally get it. I especially love that you address the fact that it’s art and doesn’t need a back story to accompany it. I have a sleeve from my toes to the top of my butt that is completely meaningless.
When did manners cease to exist when talking to heavily tattooed people? I once had a lady grab my arm, the same day it was tattooed. I only removed the wrap because it had already been on there for hours and I needed to wash it. I yelled at her until she cried and thanked her for the infection.
The amount of courtesy and respect that is presented at the beginning of the conversation, will absolutely dictate the duration of which I allow it to continue.
Meg says
I was once approached by a middle aged man with some horrible tribal tattoos. He informed me that “I would truly regret my tattoos one day” because he himself regretted his… It took every fiber of my being to be the “polite” half of this unwanted conversation. I kindly told him that it really was not any of his business to tell me what I may or may not regret – especially since we were not acquainted. I really would have liked to add, “And of course you regret that tattoo. It’s HIDEOUS!” But, just as it was not in his right to criticize my tattoo choices, I was not in the right to criticize his.
I couldn’t help but to be infuriated though. I understand that in getting visible tattoos, you are going to warrant an amount of extra attention, but – as you’ve put so eloquently – people should still practice common courtesy.
Sasha says
It sounds like you handled the situation as calmly as you could given his offensive “advice.” I suppose it’s all we can continue to do.. kill em’ with kindness! 😉
P.S. I checked out your website and listened to The Antidote.. you have a beautiful voice! I really loved it! I can’t wait to hear more from you!
Liz says
This really made me think. All my tattoos are very personal to me and I never really thought about why I hate having people ask me what they mean, but this is why. These people are strangers! They don’t need to know! I usually make up something funny to deflect but it really is annoying. Plus, the undressing! This has happened to me at a wedding and at the DMV to name a couple places. It’s especially weird when I’m with my kids and have to explain why people are taking their shirts off in public for mommy. Lol. The other thing that bugs me is when people keep asking when ill get my tattoos “finished” or colored and then tell me that I should when I explain that I don’t intend to. I think I can decide how I want them to look and I like my giving tree in black! Haha…
Ps
I love your site!
Sasha says
Thank you Liz! And yes, I don’t think people realize how offensive their questions can be. It’s like asking women why they color their hair or suggesting someone to do something with their appearance. Your artwork is for you and therefore looks the way you want it to!
Heather says
I loved this, everything you said was right on the money. I have a chest tattoo and if I wear anything that is lower cut and you can see a little of it, people seem to think its ok to just come up and pull my collar down to see more. Are you put of your damn mind! That borders on assault or sexual harassment! I don’t have anything wantlower than my elbows except one on my wrist, but i’m perfectly fine with people not knowing I have then or not. We all know tho that there are plenty of people out there that get one matybe two visible tattoos and would love people to come up and talk to them about them. Total attention freaks, or they want the “heavily” tattooed people to think there on the same level as them. I grew up with everyone I know covered in them, so it doesn’t really seem like a big deal to me but it is to plenty of others. Ha oh yes to end this one I was at the movies with my mother and a few old purple walked by and one of the old guys goes “look at that what a shame such a pretty girl with all those pictures on her, looks terrible” I just laughed!
Corey says
I haven’t been grabbed yet but I definitely get the stares! I always carry a few of my artist’s business cards to give out when someone is genuinely interested in getting some quality work.
Tracy says
Couldn’t agree more! I hate when people grab my shirt to lift the sleeves to see better. Now let’s talk Game of Thrones….Arya is one bad ass gal! 🙂