The past few months I’ve felt really guilty about not posting as often as I should. Typically on my days off I would get called in, had a ton of errands to catch up on, or things just wouldn’t go as planned, leaving me with no recipes and no content to share. Over the last few weeks I’ve been spending a lot of time reflecting about why I started a blog in the first place and how I can get back to that. It began as a place to share my creations, my life, and voice. I wanted to inspire other people to create masterpieces and disasters, but to create nonetheless.
So let’s skip to where I am now: My creations don’t get to happen as often as I’d like with working a fulltime retail job, my life went through some major upheavals of change over the last few years (divorce + cross country move + moving again), and my voice became quiet as I needed the time and privacy to figure out exactly who I had become through that change.
I’m always waiting to be on the other side of things so that I can write about how to navigate through it all and in turn I’m not writing at all because I’m never fully breaking through to the other side. And no I’m not about to quote Jim Morrison here.. I’m just trying to say that we’re always striving for that next level in life or that next goal to tackle and to remain silent during the in-between process and instead waiting until we’ve overcome it all is just a disservice to everyone else out there in the “in-between.” It isolates us in a time of our lives that we need others to say.. “I’m down in the trench with you.. I’m here.”
What I want to create is a community of people that can bounce ideas back and forth, engage with one another, and support each other through all the weird interim times of figuring shit out. Careers, relationships, new business ventures, etc.. My friends and I love each other dearly and support one another through anything, but we’re in very different places in our lives. Sometimes it’s nice to have people in the same boat as you and eating the same “shit sandwich” of a path to pursue independence, entrepreneurship, and a life outside the norm.
I never wanted this blog to become some “Dear Diary” type space, but I think I just need to let go and let it become whatever it’s going to become. I still love cooking, creating, and sharing those experiences and recipes with you, so you can always expect that, but maybe it’s time I allow things to become a little bit more personal in between the main courses and cocktails.
It feels a little scary and unnerving to think about sharing some of the writing I typically reserve for personal never-to-see-the-light-of-day journaling, but every time I’ve pushed past my fears something amazing and transformative comes from it. So I suppose that means I just have to keep leaning into the uncomfortable and unknown.
Has there been a time in your life that you carried around a particular fear or hesitation? Who or what helped you push past it? I always love hearing from you so leave your comments and thoughts below!
Miranda says
I was so shocked and saddened when I read about your divorce, still naive to my own future. Now, I am going through it, only… My realization is tharlt for 7 years, I have been with a stranger.
I hate being alone. And sadly, there are so many of us lately going through it. Reading what you said about being isolated while trying to figure out who you’ve become is so true. I lost myself so much. It hurts gi know who I gave up…. And that was me.
I have found my misfit toys who are all sad and broken, and we’re all trying to put each other back together.
I really hope and pray for the best… For you, for me, for all of us.
Thank you for sharing. It means so much.
Sasha says
Miranda I am so sorry to hear that you are experiencing that right now. It’s such a dark and heartbreaking time when you’re in it and I’ll admit that even when I think back to it, it can still hurt to remember the experience. The hardest mental obstacle for me was the feeling of wasted time which is so easy to do when something doesn’t end how you thought it would. I reflect back and remember all of the love, laughs, and lessons I gained from it rather than what was lost.
I hope that you are navigating through your own tough time and working toward finding yourself again. Please never hesitate to comment or email me.
All my love to you,
-Sasha-
Samantha says
Bravo! I absolutely know the feeling of thinking you don’t have anything worth sharing and you’re so right – it’s never true! Your experiences are worth talking about, and I do hope you find others who are “in the trenches” with you! I’m in a very different trench myself (that of first-time motherhood) and it’s been a lifesaver finding a group of women in this stage of life to bond with.
I’m often thinking of you and wondering how you’re doing, so I’m glad I’ll get to hear from you more frequently!
Sasha says
It seems like life is one big trench after another! Hahah not in a negative way, but just these new and sometimes seemingly large obstacles that make you learn a whole new set of skills and a whole lot more about yourself in the process. I love seeing you grow as a mother and look forward to being in that “trench” one day as well! <3
Stacey says
I’ve had that feeling of wanting to be on the other side of something tough. I remember saying, “I wish I could just fast forward a year to when this was all over.” A year later, I was still me and I’d lost a lot of time in trying to “move on”. The change came when I accepted where I was at and admitted that the present is just as valuable as the better future I perceived. I didn’t realize things had gotten better until I had been there (in the “better” place) for a while, and people began to comment that I looked different, walked different, and was ultimately more comfortable in my own skin. I’m glad today that it didn’t all come at once. I just stumbled on your blog to look at cacti in teacups, and I really connected with this post! All the best to you. Stay in the now. The past and future will take care of themselves.
Sasha says
Thank you so much for sharing your own story Stacey. It’s really bizarre when you get to “the other side” and actually realize you’re there. I always find myself trying to pinpoint the pivot date of when everything changed, but it truly is a day by day growing process. I’m so glad you found my blog and this particular post. I wish you all the love and luck on your own journey!